


Angels Deal with Angst Better

by angels_hunters_idjits



Series: Supernatural: Destiel Fics [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:19:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4075858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angels_hunters_idjits/pseuds/angels_hunters_idjits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Turns out, an angel in a mortal vessel can deal with his emotions a lot better than a human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels Deal with Angst Better

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of my Destiel fics after 'Post-Adrenal Haze'. I'm not sure if i'd write a third part as I feel i've been away from the show too long to do a good job, if I have done one at all. As before, let me know what you think :)

Dean stood wrapped in Cas, and Cas stood wrapped in Dean.

 

Dean stood, his arms encircling the slim frame of Cas’ shoulders, unable to speak, unable to believe, that this, _this_ was finally happening.

 

He was here, holding Cas, holding him in his arms. Pressing his nose into Cas’ dark locks, breathing in that strange rich, smoky scent that seemed so perfect for Cas.

 

Dean could barely believe that he could finally press his lips to Cas’ lined yet smooth forehead, brush the back of his hand across the dark shadow of stubble spread across Cas’ cheeks.

 

Dean’s eyes met Cas’ again, and for what felt the thousandth time, they smiled at each other.

 

Smile. Smile and kiss. That’s all Dean wanted to do. He didn’t want to speak, want to talk, want to do anything but stand here. Stand here Cas’ arms, loving and being loved.

 

 _But one of us’ll have to say something eventually_ …

 

“Dean…”

 

_Not me then._

 

Dean looked down, found Cas watching him, warmth and brightness in his eyes. Happiness and adoration. The same feelings Dean could feel spreading through every inch of him.

 

“Dean, I’m-I’m so _happy_ …”

 

Cas’ voice was like a breath of fresh air that blew across his face.

 

“I want this to last forever…”

 

Cas’ words were coming out like a tidal wave. He didn’t know how stop them, how to control them. This influx of… _feeling_ was something he’d never had to deal with before.

 

_I want it to too._

__

Dean didn’t say it. Easier not to.

 

_Don’t let him know you want stay here forever. That you don’t want to move ever again._

_Less chance of getting hurt that way._

_Wait what?_

_Getting hurt?_

 

Where had that come from?

 

The thought began to fade, becoming incoherent and formless. But it was still there, cutting into Dean’s elation like a knife.

 

Cas leant up, pressing his lips to Dean’s. Dean met him, moved his lips against his, the happiness pushing back the fear.

 

Dean opened his mouth, letting Cas’ exploring tongue inside. His own tongue moved to meet Cas’.                                                                                               

 

Then the fear was back. Dark and ice-cold. Dean couldn’t stop the thoughts crawling into his head.

 

_You know what you’re doing, don’t you?_

_You’re letting someone in. You know what happens when you do that._

_You get hurt._

 

Before he knew he was doing it, before he could stop it, Dean’s arms were unwinding from Cas’ shoulders. His hands were on Cas’ shoulders.

 

With a soft, firm push of his palms, Dean pushed Cas back. Their lips parted with a soft, wet smack.

 

Cas looked up at Dean, his open mouth forming an O of shock.

 

“Dean, what is it?”

 

Dean didn’t hear him.

 

 _You get hurt_ was revolving in his head, back and forth, right to left, left to right, coupled with images of Cas walking away, of Cas leaving him. Leaving him alone.

 

_Not again. Not ever again._

 

“Dean, I-”

 

“Cas, I…”

 

_Not now, not yet. I can’t deal…_

 

“Not now, not yet. I can’t deal…”

 

The thoughts became words and tumbled out faster than Dean could process. Thoughts and words that made Dean turn, without explanation, without reason.

 

Thoughts and words that made his legs move, made him walk away, leaving a silent, stunned Cas in his wake.

 

The cold wind whipped through the branches of the dead, dark trees, slapped against Dean’s hot skin. It rustled Cas’ hair and trenchcoat. Ruffled the hair of the Leviathan’s dismembered head.

 

_Oh, the Leviathan._

 

Dean had forgotten about it. He’d forgotten that that was they’d come here in the first place.

 

He’d forgotten something else too. Something to do with the creature’s body. What was it?

 

He couldn’t remember. Everything had been swept away by the memory of Cas’ lips, of his touch, his scent, everything.

 

 _Cas_.

 

Cas, who Dean was leaving behind, listening to his head – for once – while every inch of him; his heart, his belly, everything, screamed _No, stay! Don’t leave him! Don’t leave him alone!_

His head whispered, _But he might leave you…_

 

Dean kept walking.

 

He didn’t pay attention to the twigs and leaves that he crunched underfoot, nor to the branches that snagged on his jeans. He didn’t stop until his hands felt the solid, dark bulk of the Impala beneath his hands.

 

He unlocked the door, slid inside, turned the key in the ignition. Then he was driving, driving through the darkness, the headlights showing the way ahead. The dark edge of the Impala sliced through the dark blanket of night.

 

Dean’s free hand found the radio, switched it on. He turned to the loudest station he could find, desperate to drown out thoughts of Cas – kissing Cas – in an avalanche of drums and guitars.

 

It didn’t work.

 

Dean heard the quiet flutter of wings, the soft whistle of wind. He could have gone without any of that though. He didn’t need to hear, to see, that Cas was sitting in the passenger’s seat. He knew he was there. Just knew.

 

Dean still turned to look though.

 

Cas was watching him. Gazing at him.

 

Gazing at him with those blue-grey eyes, the blue clear and bright, veiled by the stormy grey. His expression was one of hurt beyond hurt.

 

Dean’s rejection had wounded right down to his core, tore his heart, his heart which hadn’t even begun to get used to these ideas of want and need and lust and love.

 

 _And you just cut and run_ , Dean found himself thinking.

 

_You left him behind, even though you didn’t want to._

 

_All because you’re worried about getting you’re feelings hurt again? When Cas has never had to deal with these feelings before?_

_So why did you run?_

_I’m scared…_

_Of what?_

_Of hurting me, of hurting Cas, of ruining everything. Of ruining Us._

_Isn’t Cas worth the risk?_

 

Dean didn’t even need a second to think on that.

 

_Of course he is._

 

_He’s worth everything._

_He’s all I want._

 

Only none of this Dean said.

 

_Why not?_

 

“Dean…”

 

Cas’ voice cut through his thoughts, through the brooding gloom, revealing bright sunlight. Despite the thoughts racing through his head, to fast and big to even properly register, Dean felt his heart beat faster, felt the warmth spread through him again, the warmth that signalled Cas.

 

He could cradle that warmth forever.

 

_Why not just cradle Cas directly?_

_Don’t start._

 

“Dean, I-”

 

“Cas, don’t.”

 

Dean’s eyes had finally gone back to the road.

 

“Don’t what, Dean?”

 

Dean could feel Cas’ eyes on his back, feel his gaze searing into his soul like the handprint on his shoulder.

 

“Don’t try and turn this into some big cheesy soap opera moment when we argue, hug, kiss and then make up in a big shower of rainbows.”

 

“Dean, that’s never happened in any soap-”

 

“Dude,” Dean said, finding himself grinning slightly at the inane statement, only one that Cas could get away with. The grin vanished when he looked again at Cas’ face, saw the stricken, broken look that he had put there, Shame flooded him.

 

“Just don’t. I just- I can’t…” Dean’s words trailed off.

 

“Can’t what, Dean?”

 

“Can’t deal with this. With you. With us, damn it!”

 

He swerved slightly, got the car under control again.

 

“There’s an ‘us’?”

 

Cas’ voice was quiet and inquisitive, as though curious at the possibility that he and Dean could ever be an ‘us’.

 

 

For Dean, they had always been an ‘us’. The hunter and his angel, always together, never separated, forever destined to work together. To be together.

 

Dean could’ve said all this in heartbeat. He could’ve poured out his soul to Cas. He could’ve – _wanted_ to – flung himself at Cas and kiss away all his fear.

 

Only he didn’t. All because of a little voice in his head that said, _You’ll get hurt._

 

“Cas, just go,” was what he said.

 

He looked at Cas, his voice trembling. He could see the tears starting to blur his sight.

 

“Please. Just go. Leave me alone.”

 

“No.”

 

One word. One tiny, one syllable word that brought Dean’s feet down hard on the brakes as he stared at Cas.

 

“What?”

 

“No, I won’t go,”

 

Cas’ face was expressionless, his voice quiet, yet in it Dean could hear the subtle strains, close to breaking.

 

“Why not?”

  
  
”Because enough people have ran out on you, and I refuse to be the next one. I refuse to leave you.”

 

That did it. The floodgates opened. Dean felt the tears spill out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He could see the tears in Cas’ eyes, like glittering bits of diamond.

 

Dean wiped his sleeve roughly across his eyes.

 

“Damn it man, don’t cry,” he said to himself.

 

He felt slim fingers on his wrist, pulling it down. He looked up.

 

Cas was inches away from him now, having leant forward. Dean could see the unshed tears swimming in his eyes.

 

“Why are you crying?” Cas asked, his voice low and thick.

 

Dean laughed despite himself.

 

“No one’s ever been so honest with me.”

 

Understanding lit in Cas’ eyes.

 

“I meant it Dean. Every word.”

  
  
”I know, I know.”

  
Dean found himself smiling, truly smiling, like he had when their lips had first touched, a smile that lit every part of him up.

 

Every part of him felt like it was going to burn white-hot when he saw the same smile mirrored on Cas’ face.

 

Dean reached up and threaded his fingers through Cas’ hair. He smiled a tear-soaked smile as Cas leant into the touch and hummed quietly.

 

“Why did you run?”

 

Cas asked him the question, watching him with half-lidded eyes, alert yet muted, the tears long gone. Dean’s touch had dried them. Dean realised his had gone too.

 

Cas’ question made him look down.

 

“I just- I don’t-”

 

Cas’ hands were suddenly on his cheeks, lifting his head up. Dean’s green eyes met Cas’ blue-grey.

 

“It’s alright Dean.”

 

“I- what?”

 

“It’s okay. I can wait.”

 

“Wait for what?”  


“For you.”

 

Cas leant back. Dean hadn’t realised how close they’d been, his back pressed to the window, Cas’ legs tangling slightly with his, the angel’s trenchcoat in disarray.

 

“For me? What do you-”

 

Cas smiled, and Dean realised he was about to vanish away.

 

_NO!_

 

Dean surged forward, grabbing Cas’ arm.

 

“No, Cas, don’t do a Houdini on me. Please, just stay.”

  
  
”But I thought you wanted me to go,”

 

The confusion was back on Cas’ face.

 

“I did, but not any more. Please, stay.”

  
  
Dean could feel the urgency that made his lips curve into a grimace. A grimace at the thought of Cas leaving.

 

Cas smiled in understanding, gently shook himself free of Dean’s grip, and leant back, waiting.

 

Dean didn’t speak. Didn’t want to. Didn’t want to hurt Cas again by saying he was scared of Cas hurting _him._

 

“Dean, look at me.”

  
  
Dean did so straight away, saw the muted passion burning in Cas’ eyes.

 

“Dean, I- I don’t understand these feelings,”

 

_Preaching to the choir here, buddy._

 

Cas looked down at his hands, a reddish-pink flush spreading over his cheeks. Dean couldn’t stop the smile.

 

“But I do know that I’ve always had them. From the moment I lifted you from Hell, I’ve felt something. Until tonight though, I never realised…”

 

Cas looked up, honesty, sincerity, adoration in his eyes. The same things Dean could feel burning in his own irises.

 

“If what I feel for you isn’t love, then I’m pretty sure it’s as damn close as any angel can get.”

 

_Love?_

_You love me?_

 

The question choked in Dean’s throat, became a quiet splutter.

 

Cas chuckled, probably guessed the meaning behind Dean’s noise.

 

“I don’t need you to tell me you love me Dean, I don’t need to promise me the sun and the moon. I just need you. Just you. Now and forever. All I need is you. The rest- the rest can wait.”

 

The tears were back, spilling over Dean’s cheeks. He didn’t waste time with words.

 

He leant forward, took Cas’ face in his hands and kissed him.

 

Their lips collided and clashed with the abandon they had mere minutes ago, neither wrestling for dominance, just lost in the passion, the love… the _rightness_ of it all.

 

They parted, gasping for breath, feather-light touches of lips connecting them again once, twice, three times.

 

Dean leant his forehead against Cas’, the smile seemingly etched permanently on his face. A smile born of the knowledge that this was happening, that he and Cas were happening and that it could _work_ , and not disintegrate like every other relationship Dean had ever had.

 

Still, something niggled in the back of Dean’s mind.

 

Cas had poured his heart out to Dean, confessed everything, everything he felt, everything he wanted.

 

And Dean had said nothing.

 

_Hurt…_

_Not now. Later._

 

Dean would sort that out later. He would deal with it.

 

For now, all he wanted was Cas. Cas, and his arms, and his lips, and his touches and kisses.

 

_Now and forever._

 

He drew Cas into a hug, the angel resting his head on his chest. A sigh, loud, clear and light rumbled deep in Dean’s chest.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I just realised something…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Who’s gonna tell Sam?”

 

“Crap.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome :)


End file.
